50shadesofsuck:

Hi All,

Don’t know if you’ve heard, but in a brilliant ploy to make more money than anyone in the world, E.L. James and her marketing team have decided to create products based on her best-selling series. According to the LA Times blog, “The merchandise will include apparel, stationery items, hosiery, lingerie and accessories. Expect to see “Christian Grey” boxers and ties as well as lounge wear, sleepwear and T-shirts; the accessories would comprise bags, wallets, portfolios, key chains and underwear (for men and women). Stationery items will include journals and diaries.”

Whoever thought of this deserves a raise. And then deserves to be shot by a firing squad. But a raise first! The items listed above are to be expected, but I have a few more suggestions:

• Orange Juice- If there is one thing in the world Anastasia loves to ingest (other than Christian Grey’s peen) it’s orange juice! This is a no-brainer.
• Sex Toys- This should really go without saying…
• Lube- Don’t you wish you could be as constantly wet as literature’s most abhorrent heroine? Now you can.
• Cell-Phone / Beeper / Leash- Nothing is sexier than having a mildly psychotic boyfriend who alienates all your friends and makes sure you are completely codependent. But what happens when he can’t track you down? With the cell-phone, beeper and leash combo, he’ll never have to worry.
• White Wine- A nice Sancerre perhaps? It is, after all, Christian’s favorite varietal. #nohomo

That’s all I got for now.

-Isabelle